How to lose a guy in ten days (intro)

Great movie. It’s a classic rom-com. However, I’m not here to write a review (especially since I don’t normally write reviews and I’d have a pretty amateur point of view though maybe I’ll look into doing more of those) but instead how it has inspired me.

I, as a naive, silly little teenage girl,  have got myself in an overly dramatic relationship and can’t do the grown up thing of just breaking up with the poor boy. Wait, hear me out:

Don’t judge me yet. We met in the midst of a glamorous show. We both auditioned, got through and became part of the cast. Everyone was so great there and I’m naturally a people person and quite confident and making friendships quickly. I also like flanta: flirty banter.

I’m not going to lie, I walked in knowing  would meet someone with romantic potential, it was the perfect place to meet someone, even the timing was great, almost anyone would have been good enough because I do it for the experience, not the super romantic feeling wanted part because with relationships people are either going to break up or get married and I don’t want either at the moment.

Nevertheless, there was this basically perfect guy who played the villain of the show. Tall but super skinny, dark eyes with dark hair topped with a characteristic and really distinct smile, a singing voice of the phantom, talented and passionate with drama (drama being my absolute favourite trait in a guy – unfortunately, they’re normally gay, I’m not being stereotypical, it’s true, it’s where you are most likely to find them. I don’t mean to offend anyone by this though, of course they’re not all gay and of course if people are gay they don’t have to like drama.) and music – plays the drums which I think is hot. Plus he looks really good in a shirt and tie.

He’s also a rookie, first timer (“never kissed a girl” type, don’t worry, we’re all still virgins) like most of them. I know how the first ‘first kiss’ goes though I’ve obviously only had one, I’ve been many people’s first kiss and it can be hypnotising. Misleading. They begin to think they’re in love.

And one thing I’ve learnt about love is that it’s not black and white. You love things, family, friends. There are people I would risk my life for. They’re the people I think I love. Then I try so much appreciation, I’m quite a clingy person to the right people; constantly standing next to them, cuddles and compliments. Almost like a relationship. Which for some reason is different.

I’m beginning to hate relationships because they have expectations. They restrict me. I don’t know about you.

So as I was becoming friends with my cast members some people thought I was being more than friendly when I had the villain’s arm around me or my head on his shoulder or constant glances and smiles. So everyone started taking pictures and drawing hearts around us and putting it on snapchat.

Then one time we were alone. We kissed. It wasn’t awkward. I actually really liked it. However, I had to lie to him straight away and from then on I knew it wasn’t going to work. As cute as a fairytale it is I didn’t want a fling. I didn’t want a relationship either. Too late. 

I kept digging a massive hole for myself, still am, but I want out. He seems to always be in my life and it’s suffocating me. Even though I’ve seen him only once since the show because he lives so far away and there’s no direct transport. His name is still brought up at least three times a day, messaging him, missing the show, general associations/inside jokes and whatever more.

Then, of course like I said, I get quite close with people and my mates tend to be guys and I know if I saw him acting like that with some girls I might feel threatened or jealous and I’m not willing to drop my friendships for him.

So I’ve established I shouldn’t really be in this relationship.
So why don’t you break up with him?

This is the worst part. He’s gotten very clingy and emotionally attached and suffers from a mental health issue and dips quickly. Becomes dangerously upset. I want to help him, unfortunately leaving him would be doing the exact opposite. So I’m in a slight moral dillema…

revision making me RANT

I’ve just been told:

Follow your instincts and you’ll get it right.

– English Teacher

The context of this conversation was indeed Exams. Yet, else where I hear “planning is key” 

To what extent do I plan? Is this just with English?  Mighten this work with Maths?

In a different context however, let’s imagine life:
Many might agrue following your instincts is better than planning you’re whole life.

The ice in your fridge isn’t as fasinating as the frozen lake on a December morning.
You planned to freeze the water from your tap. The water on the lake, on ther other hand, was humanly uncontrollable.

Nevertheless, I imagine it depends on the kind of person you are. Maybe you don’t like the idea of having no control, you want to believe in free will, you making your choices.

Maybe your like me and find delight within fate. The serendipity of sunshine.

I lost my point again. Gcses suck because I don’t know what I’m doing but nothing will blow out my fire. Even if I’m lost in the exam. Even if I fail the whole thing. I’ll find my way to where I’m meant to go.

Micaiah’s xoxo

Two winners of the best gold

Urgh, I’m jealous.
Jealousy is not good for the soul.
I shall take this jealousy and transform it.
Be is words on paper or not.
Be paint on brushes or bread.
For what is strong is jealousy, and what I lack is motivation and determination.  These are strong thoughts and feelings.

If I can channel it correctly, maybe good can be done with this jealousy. I share it upon with you. For a wise man once said, the true reward for winning is winning fairly: don’t take your tricks and have the advantage, share and beware of your true competition. For there is no shame in losing to the best.

Micaiah’s xoxo