Summer lovin

Having a blast!

Obviously when I was younger my life was a bundle of mystery and two amazing, loving, playful, tour guides of life:

Parents

I know for a fact not everyone has that luxury and that some parents find having a baby restricting. However, I was lucky enough to have parents who found that an opportunity.
Whilst watching little Fockers 2 with my dad he told me about our trip to Chicago…  The one I was too young to remember but apparently I loved it, as they did.
My parents confessed they travelled and learnt (through tours, museums, reading me books, etc) much more with me in their lives.

Obviously as babies we are completely dependent on our carers for survival without being able to conduct the most basic activities of living.
So as we grow up we no longer need them to spoonfeed us or dress us.
So it seems we grow apart.

After about ten years we really start to grasp our lives, thoughts and opinions. We start caring about school and friendship and spend less and less time with our parents. Not that that’s a terrible thing but it definitely loses some of those first, incredible moments where you’d have loads of messin around moments singing theme tunes, putting food in eachother’s hair, and being swung into bed.

However, recently, back at 15, at least in the recent months, I’ve been getting closer with my family. My parents and my grandma alike now that she lives with us.
I’ve started to realise how before there were moments I thought “because they’re parents they have to” but there are so many, sweet things they do for me. And how caring this family can be and what a positive energy it gives out when everyone is supportive and does little things like… Well, the inspiration for this post was actually my mum bought me my favourite sandwich for me today before I went out with my mates because I woke up late and she knows I don’t eat as well when I’m going out.
I mean, it’s not a big deal but maybe it’s part of the 80-20 law or that it’s really the small things that make the biggest difference…
Because I know in that moment she thought dearly of me, and really with no self advantage or such.
My dad fixing my computer and getting me games that really were for my own personal entertainment and full stop.  There’s so much they don’t have to do. Perfectly normal average everyday stuff…

And it can be so constant and casual that it becomes an expectation… And it’s really not… It’s such a nice thing for them to Do. Always.

And now a days I’ll go and have a sweet conversation with my nan about my day and what’s going on in people’s lives and she’ll make jokes… Funny jokes! And it’s really enlightening.

I’m kinda really proud of my family and I wish I could show them off more.

Micaiah’s xoxo

Inner silent voice

The voice inside my head… Is silent. I had not realised this sooner.

For as I experienced this epiphany during the leisure of reading both outloud and quietly. It was due to that that I tried to give the characters a voice. I can imagine a pretty child with a nagging, matter of factly tone with an attitude far stronger than her willpower.

The narrative instead is very passionate and usually calm, very reasonable tone. How do our minds create these tones when in real life we hear nothing.

Even in my mind as I write this; and in your mind as you read it. There is a voice. No… Maybe just words forming a sentence.

BUT NOW YOUR MIND IS SHOUTING!  Yet, now it is whispering. What’s this tone? Inquisitive?

My mind wonders. How do our minds work? Oh so complicatedly… Haha

Micaiah’s xoxo

Have you ever considered a breast reduction?

During the procedure, fat, glandular tissue and skin are removed from the breasts, which are then reshaped and the nipples repositioned.

– That sounds disgustingly, terrifyingly nightmarish! Body pieces being reareanged? I’m no potato head…
It seems so unnatural, and in my imagination totally gory.

You may be considered for a breast reduction operation on the NHS if you have physical discomfort from having large breasts, such as:

backache
Neck pain
skin irritation
poor posture
excessive sweating, rashes and skin infections under the breasts
grooves on the shoulders from bra straps
an inability to exercise or take part in sports

Large breasts can also cause psychological distress. 

– Now it seems ligit. I’m still young so most of these don’t apply but I imagine they might with age. At this rate the shoulder grooves won’t take long before they become permanent along with the other bruising after having worn a bra for some long, constant hours.

Psychological distress may also include unwanted attention or harassment, self-consciousness and depression.

– Which I can understand, and have stages where they don’t just seem to bring me down physically. I have had moments where I feel as if gravity is pulling me down and my body gives up. It takes my mental and emotional state with it and I can break down in tears. Refusing to get back up. Unsure what to do with myself. It’s not until I get a distraction or digression that I can move on.

Any type of surgery carries risks. The potential complications specific to breast surgery include:

Scarring
unevenly shaped breasts or nipples
wound healing problems loss of nipple sensation
being permanently unable to breastfeed

– The doctor wasn’t being silly. There are risks and I should probably not be considering this until a later age.
Urgh the topic makes me feel sick, it leaves me in tears. In this scenario…  It’s so hard for me to see the positives on either side…

There’s an incredible number of girls I know who feel they’re too small, (i can feel so much pain right now. Like a knife is cutting at me. It hurts so much. I’m trying not to scream… But I must finish this post. Because: )  who think the bigger the better but they don’t understand how great it is that they’re skinny enough to wear the most fashionable clothes, that most pretty lingerie is in “average” sizes – obviously!  Most of the time they only want bigger to feel sexier and more attractive… Even though beauty comes from so many other places.

I guess we can’t help being self conscious and self destructive at times… But I guess from having a different perspective, I just, I guess I’ve said what I wanted to say. I’ve got nothing left to say.

Micaiah’s xoxo

Lions in a cage

One lion in a cage is better than any.
The audience comes to see the beast.
The beautiful, strong, King of the land.
Grasping everyone’s attention.

Even with two the attention can be shared, with jealousy indeed, but half and half is doable.

With anymore then comes a battle.
Someone must win. Someone must lose. Someone must give the attention.

It’s not the best result. There’s probably a better outcome. But I’m done with the bullshit. It’s not all about you.
It’s actually about the other one… The birthday girl ❤ I know you're the birthday girl too… In just a few days. Thank god it's not mine too. I don't wamt to be in this cat fight.

Micaiah’s xoxo

If i were a butterfly

I would thank God for a beautiful second chance.
I would share my colours.
Fly away so far away.
Find a flower.
And another one.
Help reproduction in nature.
I’m lost at the motivational speaking writing.
My passion is submerged in alcohol.
I can barely type.
I can barely see.
But my head is spinning to a new dimension.
Second chances happen.

Micaiah’s xoxo

The General Opprobrium of being a teenager

Being ourselves is seen as public disgrace.
Our fashion sense, our music taste.
Shameful.
We face ignominy from the judgemental eyes of childless adults well raised in riches.
Our imagination critised for the darkness we let out from inside our broken souls.
You don’t like it?
Then stop this vituperation.
It’s sickening, weakening, disgusting.
We sing our shattered hearts out, whether it be in rhyme or pencil.
Whether it be the Skelton bling you so harshly judge or solitude we cannot control. 
Don’t force us to be something we are not ready to be.
School. Parents. Older people who think they are so wiser.
Shut up.
We don’t care if back in the day you had it harder, because we only feel the events that happen before our senses.
Urgh, your condemnation inspires our hatred and negative energy.
You want us to grow into intelligent, successful candidate numbers and be creative, independent individuals by clinging on to us and spoonfeeding us manuals for A* grades.
I… Am done with this critism.
Let me be and let me keep trying.
Don’t knock me down.
This isn’t a cry for support.
It’s some fucking advice.
Be nice to your kids, they bloody need you to stop crushing them.
No wonder mental health issues seem to be on the incline.
Their happiness is being taken away because it’s slanderous to those around them.
Fuck you.

Micaiah’s xoxo

If it’s meant to be it will be – dating style

image

Recently, I’ve heard this a lot more. Not to me. But around me.
And I’m sorry for those of you who are trying to hold on to dreams of ex-lovers and crushes but it doesn’t work out that way.

Yes, chance (or “more-than-coincedences”) happens and plays a part but if two of you don’t do something about it, it’s never going to happen.
At least one of you has to make a direct impact. Sure seeing that person 5 times in a row in one week could seem like more than a coincidence, or you accidentally knocked into them 3 times outside the same coffee shop but that’s probably because you both live or work or something locally – it’s not that much of a surprise.
However, normally for you to be considering something like this you already know the person well and you want something to happen but you’re the one not doing much about it…
“if it’s meant to be it will be” is a lazy, self-concious term that leads hearts into false hope and broken dreams.
And frankly, wasted time.

There are three things people in this situation can do:

#1 Keep saying that dumb phrase
Do I even need to expand? Please…  Don’t…
#2 Do something to make it happen
Probably the best thing one could do. Don’t give up before you try. But at least try. Go to the coffee shop you constantly see that attractive stranger and ask them to sit with you. Call your ex and talk.
#3 Move on and find a better way to use your time
This is probably what you should do with the ex situation… Not always, but in most scenarios you’ll find you broke up for a reason. There’s no point in wishful thinking if you’re not putting in some effort. And hey, sorry mate, but maybe they don’t want that effort. I know it’s hard to here… Yet, your efforts will be wanted else where, where they can be used for better.

“if it’s meant to be it will be” ha, yeah, my arse. It doesn’t work like that.

I realise this could be applied to more situations other than romance like work, family, money, travel, etc but so can what I’m trying to say because fate is barely a percentage of it.

Work – try. Be active.
Family – put in the effort.
Money – basically work.
Travel – find a bloody location and go.
Ect – just do it.
Don’t sit on your arse waiting.

Micaiah’s xoxo